The Cringe Worthy

As tempting as it is, I would avoid the obvious snarky replies: “No problem, Poopsie.” or “I’m not your sweetheart!”   Most of the time, pet names are just misguided niceties and responding rudely is too aggressive, like in your waitress example.  But that doesn’t mean you should have to put up with feeling demeaned.  Instead, say in a really friendly way, “My name’s [Alexandra].  Nice to meet you.” Shake the person’s hand, get their name, and at the very worst you’ve put a halt to their “endearments”; at best, you’ve just made a new acquaintance.

Now, if you’re not much for confrontation, I’d say the same advice goes for those times when “baby cakes” is coming from someone less benign (like the dirty old man I’m always running into at the gym).  You’re not likely to change their actions and taking the high road will be the simplest way to get your point across.  But, if your self-control wanes for a moment, and something a bit harsher just happens to slip out, I don’t think anyone would fault you. 

I mean, at the end of the day, you don’t really know that he was cheating on his wife.  There are a million weird reasons he could have been there with another woman.  Maybe your cousin has an open relationship with his wife.  Maybe she was just a coworker, but he thought it looked like he was cheating and he got awkward.  Maybe she was a jeweler he was hiring to create the beautiful ring his wife had always wanted….yeah…maybe…

But okay, chances are good that something seedy was going on.  Even if you caught him with his hand on her ass, though, my advice would stay the same – don’t do anything.  You don’t have enough insight into his marriage to be able to really assess the merits or consequences of outing him.  You don’t want a ruined marriage on your conscience and you DEFINITELY don’t want the decade of awkward family get-togethers that are sure to follow regardless of what happens. You will not turn out to be the good guy in this situation.  Live and let live.  And enjoy your Thanksgiving turkey guilt-free – you have no responsibility here.

There isn’t much you can get away with saying without making enemies with zombie-lady and you’d probably still be putting up with her muttering. I assume the option to move desks doesn’t exist or you would have settled into your new cubicle faster than this woman could say good-bye.   I want there to be an easy solution to your problem, but there just isn’t.  Annoying colleagues are part of life’s deal. 

So, remember that New Year’s resolution you had for self-improvement?  Here’s your chance.  Think about the most patient person you know and channel their energy.  Make an effort to get to know your new co-worker and find some things to like about her- it’ll help counter-balance her annoying qualities.  And at the very least, once you have a rapport with her, you can get away with letting her know you get distracted when she talks to herself without her feeling attacked. 

If that doesn’t work, just be glad you don’t have to work with this woman.

Isn’t it unbelievable how someone else can behave totally inappropriately and yet you are the one left feeling awkward and like you need to be the one to set things right?     Don’t get me wrong, it’s understandable to feel the way you do - but it is not fair.   Take this guy to task and make him responsible for the consequences of his actions.  You’ve done nothing wrong here and shouldn’t have to be worried about figuring out the next move.

Let Mr. Married with Children know that you have no romantic feelings for him and that you feel taken advantage of.  Then outline the terms of communication that would make you feel most comfortable (e.g. work-related emails and discussion only).  Let him know that if he continues to pursue you, you’ll have to notify someone at work.  Hopefully, once you clear up where you stand, you’ll be a bit more at ease in the office.

I know this doesn’t address your feelings of betrayal and confusion – it sucks, but that’s something that will take a little more time.  My guess is that this guy allowed himself to misinterpret your friendship for something more in an attempt to fill unhappiness in his life.  He had probably convinced himself that you might feel the same, and didn’t consider how hurt you could be.  It was selfish and wrong, but hopefully it’s easier to move on when you see his transgression as something more pathetic than malicious.  

Sounds like you’re in a bit of denial here.  Nat isn’t in a happily loving relationship- he/she (we’ll say he for brevity’s sake) is offering to dump his gf for you.  And yes, you enjoy Nat’s friendship - who doesn’t love it when someone is pining after them, especially someone you connect with as a person.  

I get it - sexual tension with a forbidden friend is a thrill - and makes going to work a bit more exciting.  But your situation with Nat came to a head- there’s no more pretending that your friendship is just playfully innocent.  You’ve got to make it crystal clear with Nat that you want to be in your current relationship and don’t want to be with him.  You can continue to be nice to Nat, but distance yourself a bit and stop with the flirting- its not fair for anybody. 

You’re going to keep on meeting people that you could potentially spark with and that “new relationship” feeling is an exciting thing.  But unfortunately its the tradeoff for being in a stable, long-term relationship.  Tempting yourself with flirty friendships is only going to distract you from the “happily” part of your unavailability. 

You don’t need to address it, at least not directly.  Consider:

Scenario #1: He likes you.  You call him out on it.  He reacts the way most people do when they get rejected: immaturely, angrily, and/or passive aggressively.  Your time at work just got less enjoyable.  

Scenario #2: He doesn’t like you.  You let him know you think he does.  He reacts the way most people would when they are accused of coming on to someone they weren’t: standoffish, defensive and like you’re a narcissist.  Again, not the ideal work environment.

Give him the benefit of the doubt that he’s just a friendly guy.  When he’s acting borderline flirty, respond matter of factly and change the topic to something more comfortable for you.  Keep doing that and he’s likely to adapt his behavior accordingly.

Caveat: I’m assuming this guy isn’t doing anything that would be considered sexual harassment, in which case, it doesn’t matter if he likes you or not, you need to put him in his place or file a complaint with HR.

Jeesh, that car accident really throws in a curveball.  However, if you guys still talk about it, sounds like its not her forgetfulness to blame.  She may just be too stressed out about her medical issues to focus on paying you back.  

You need to get closure on this issue so you can move on with the friendship without feeling taken advantage of.  Next time you guys are together, tell her that you’d like to come to a decision about the money so that you don’t have to keep discussing it.  If she’s unable to pay you back right now, consider letting her off the hook if you aren’t strapped for cash.  You’d probably end up feeling guilty forcing her to come up with the money anyways.  If she can pay you, decide on a timeline and the best way to make it happen that doesn’t involve you having to remind her.  

No matter what happens, don’t let it ruin your friendship. A good rule of thumb when lending money to a close family or friend is to assume you will never get it back.  Good friends are worth more than the cost of a nice pair of shoes - and sounds like this girl could use a break.

I mentioned this to a friend, who told me that sometimes his male parts hit the front of the toilet bowl when he’s sitting- which adds an even grosser element to the issue.

But, I digress…go out, buy a toilet brush and place it in a prominent position in the bathroom with a note: “Please clean up your tracks!”  If that doesn’t work, try a more subtle confrontation to minimize the awkwardness.  Tell him you’re sick of the toilet being messy and ask him if he’ll join you in trying to keep it clean.